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| 21.9.02 |
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my friends are dropping like flies. marguerita called me this afternoon from her romantic getaway with lance to tell me she's engaged. four months of dating. i'm really not sure how i feel about it, but i guess it is not really up to me. he is a great guy and he treats her very well. she's happy, though i wonder if that will fade. then i kind of have to wonder about his leadership. he knows she's young, so does he really think that marriage is the right thing for her at this particular point in her life? or is he trying to marry her as fast as he can so she won't realize, 'hey, what business do i have with a man 15 years older than me?' that sounds so harsh, but i'm scared to think it may be the truth. perhaps the setting of the date will shed more light on the situation, but for now, i love her and support her in her decisions.
damn, why do these things keep happening to me. do i have some sign on me that says, 'here, share your crises with me, i can handle it'? is there a balance between being a prudish virgin and closet slut among christian women (and don't even get me started on what christian masculinity is....is that an oximoron?)? ok, those extremes are too dramatic, but seriously, are there any women who walk with God and keep to their committments to him? i know i'm not one, so, God, where are they? and what is the point of being prudishly virgin? supposedly it's to be obedient to God. ok, i'm with you there. but i often examine my own motivations at times like this. why should i be obedient to God? aside from being commanded to, it really boils down to my own selfish nature. i choose to obey God because i want to be blessed. my understanding of blessing is a happy marriage. unfortunately, we all know that even happy, christian marriages are often unhappy in reality. knowing that, what is my reordered (is this the true one?) motivation? i suppose that is where faith kicks in. i don't know, but must trust the higher being who supposed does.
all i'd like right now is a dog. |
| posted by Paige @ 10:02 PM |
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