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| 1.11.04 |
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i am consumed with unbelievable insecurity today and i just can't seem to shake it. this stems from something i did on saturday. or rather, what i should have done better, but didn't.
this is one thing i despise about myself. i love that i am driven by passion, but there are times that it cripples me. when i am doing it right i have an immense power over people. but there are times that i can see my loss of power, just beyond my grasp. like watching a movie of the events playing out before me. with dreamlike sensation i can watch what i did wrong and critique it. and that's where i am, replaying the scenario over and over while mentally hitting myself in the head saying, "you're so stupid". why didn't i just do that and do it well? why did i have to be lazy and selfish at that particular moment?
why can't i just get over it? and is it really all about my desire to control? |
| posted by Paige @ 10:48 AM |
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