| 3.11.02 |
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i just saw bowling for columbine. i agree with natty. it is so incredibly disturbing, but yet, you can't communicate your emotions.
i decided to go by myself because i knew anyone that i asked would laugh in my face that i would invite them to such a clearly liberal display. one of the most disturbing and lonely aspects of me viewing this movie was that i knew no one would understand. i feel so alone in my beliefs sometimes. i am christian, so that alienates me from my friends who don't believe in this religion. yet i have what my xian friends call liberal beliefs. to me they are what i understand to be God's beliefs....but apparently so are my xian friends.
let me back up. last night i was in a sappy, lonely mood so i decided to watch a sappy, lonely movie - the english patient. as we all know, the whole movie is based on sex and love....obviously not xian ideals. a friend came over, unannounced, and ended up watching the middle of the movie. having not seen it from the beginning, he found it "a waste of time" and proceeded to claim that the movie encouraged affairs. he questioned me as to how i could watch it, what was the value. i told him the value lies in the lessons, at it is clearly not a xian movie. i found value in discerning right and wrong from the movie. he told me my logic was whacked and left.
now, today, having already felt abandoned by my friends, i decided to see this movie by myself. i invited patrick, the one person i thought could handle the movie, but he was unavailable. i found it better to cry by myself anyway. the issues and images that mr. moore raised in this movie are astounding. yet, i am left asking myself, what is my response as a christian? shit, even if you don't feel me on that one, what is my response as an american citizen? my only criticism of the documentary is simply that he uses the same tactic that he is criticizing in his piece - fear - to drive the very point home. he is careful not to draw too many conclusions in the film so the viewer may draw his own conclusions, which i appreciate. however, the one point he raises is that we, americans, are driven by an unnecessary fear. this is manifested in guns, terror, violence, etc. ironically, and unfortunately, he seeks to stir up the same emotion in his audience to make his point. he creates in his audience, a chaotic fear of chaotic fear.
after grappling with these issues for 5 or so hours and one long conversation with poor lane who did not even know of the movie i had just seen, i am left to conclude that it is all irrelevant. this world, and all of the violence that is part of it, is still smaller than God, and defeated by God. i am commanded to love the people of this world, but i am not commanded to change it. yet, i realize that it is that definition of love that stirs controversy. i want to know God. i want to know his thoughts. i want to seek love and peace. i want a quiet soul, but feel that is not my destiny. i want to understand.
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| posted by Paige @ 5:28 PM |
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