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| 26.1.05 |
| love thyself? |
to my 'dena friends - email me so i know you're ok. i can't think of any of you who would ride an la commuter train, but still. reading this is a little sobering.
rather, reading this is reinforcing the sober air i breathe lately. i have a friend who i've been Walking with for several years now who continues to suffer with depression. there was a setback recently and now i'm back to hospital visits.
the thing with depression and suicide is that it is the epitome of self-indulgence and though it may seem (especially to the person) like it's only being done to oneself, that is simply not the case. take this man, for instance, who found life to be so troubling that he chose to end it and in doing so, ended the lives of 10 other people literally and hundreds more figuratively. and that's how it is with my friend. this person does not see the pain they are causing others. there is nothing we do independently. we are community and this is one striking example of it. we may not have even met nor laid eyes on another person and yet, our life is forever changed by what they do.
i've thought a lot lately about selfindulgence. it is a thin line to walk between caring and respecting yourself, and feeding your selfish desires. we are never commanded to love ourselves but rather the second commandment says we are to our neighbor as ourselves. as is often the case with the Word, when you examine what is not stated, there is even more depth to the commmand. it does not say we are to love ourselves more than we love our neighbor, for this would be prideful and self-indulgent. nor does it say we are to love ourselves less than we love our neighbor, for this would be neglecting our true identity in Christ. we are to love ourselves as we love our neighbor. balance.
to be frank, i'm angry. depression and suicide are the epitome of self-indulgence. i realize that much of my anger stems from ignorance or misunderstanding. i have not felt this sickness to the degree that some others have and therefore it is hard for me to know what someone is going through. and please understand that i do not intend for this to be arrogant or judgmental, nor am i neglecting the real severity that exists. i just don't understand.
i need help and i cannot do this alone. |
| posted by Paige @ 12:30 PM |
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