god meets girl

i read this passage this morning, from james baldwins' short story, sonny's blues. the narrarator is having a conversation with his mother about a important incident in his father's life. his mother said these words to him,

"But I praise my Redeemer," she said at last, "that He called your Daddy home before me. I ain't saying it to throw no flowers at myself, but, I declare, it keeps me from feeling too cast down to know I helped your father get safely through this world. Your father always acted like he was the roughest, strongest man on earth. And everybody took him to be like that. But if he hadn't had me there-to see his tears!"

this especially moved me because that is exactly what i want. i've never been able to put it in words such as baldwin has, but that is my main desire for this life that is given to me - to help get others safely through this world. i certainly want that in my marriage relationship, because that will probably be my deepest, but really i want that for all my relationships. i want my friends and family - and even people i interact with for a brief portion of my life - to get through this life safely.

but to my husband - it stirs my heart when i think of sharing the laughter and tears of the man that has intrusted his life to me. i cannot wait to share life with you.
posted by Paige @ 9:42 AM   0 comments

today is the first rough day after about a month of solid things-going-well in my life. i'm not sure what god's doing to me (ironically, i've been reading through the book of job lately), but it sucks. well, ok, i'm being dramatic...no one's dying or anything...but it's still rough! for the FOURTH (yes 4th!) time in only two months, my car is requiring fixing. i won't go into the other things...cause that one's the clincher...but man, what is going on?!

i think i need some of the chocolate i mentioned below. but no, i've gone too far to blow it on this day. i will defeat the day!

maybe i just need an aqariass.
posted by Paige @ 11:44 AM   0 comments

i grabbed two pieces of dove chocolate today from a co-workers desk. yes, it was a bit of an indulgence for me as i am on a diet and training for a marathon. but...these particular pieces of chocolate had 'promises' written on the inside of the wrapper. the first read, "do not settle", as if it was the most profound statement ever.

the second read, "life. joy. chocolate." brainwashing, i tell you, brainwashing.
posted by Paige @ 9:24 AM   0 comments

i have so much i want to say, and so much i'm excited about....where to start....
maybe with my job, which is slow right now, hence the blogging. or how i got up at 5:30 am this morning to stretch and run for the first official session in my marathon training. or how i had a lot of fun with boys this week. or how i got my new place all clean and unpacked this weekend. or how it has been a beautiful weekend even though it makes me miss the clear, clean weather all the time in california. or how i have really great friends. and really great ex-roommates who are becoming even greater friends. or how i got to hang out with God this morning over coffee and a sunrise. or how it looks like my dog will be coming in october. or of birthday parties and new friends. and old friends moving here and coming to visit. or how i'm in a dance with the best leader. or how i'm arranging my school schedule to begin the masters program in january. or how my car is finally working again after several mishaps. or how i'll be traveling almost ever weekend for the next couple of months. or how my life is becoming my profession instead of my profession becoming my life. or how i get to enjoy a book while someone else drives me across town to work. or how my hair is getting longer and the seasons beginning to change. or how i enjoy afternoon frapps and dinner parties with my sister and husband. or how change can be good....
posted by Paige @ 11:01 AM   0 comments

time again to search the internet for new things about me. really, it's quite fascinating.

here's a few i found:
the haller difference
not my mom
not my dad
definitely not me!
but this one's me!

ok, this is starting to get creepy...i'm going to stop now.
posted by Paige @ 9:25 AM   0 comments

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.
Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.

Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous;
sing, all you who are upright in heart!

psalm 32v8-11
posted by Paige @ 6:06 AM   0 comments

i know i love god, but sometimes i feel like he doesn't love me.

who am i to question his presence....
posted by Paige @ 6:06 AM   0 comments

driving to work this morning, i viewed a familiar image of the essence of american security (defense?). every minute of every day since 9.11 there is a tank or hummer-thing (something expensive) that sits on the north and southbound sides of a two-lane highway about 400 feet from the walls of the penatgon. not only that, but there is an army man assigned to sit on top of that machine and point his huge gun at the cars as they pass. i haven't yet figured out if this position, to babysit the freeway, is one of extreme honor - because you are the first line of offense should some vehicle decide to try to take out the pentagon, or one of freshman initiation - because it sucks - for some young recruit. either way, they'd be the first to know about something, and the first to react to it, and probably the first killed. the modern-day lookout tower for the fort.

i should also mention that all along this particular highway are several (10?) state troopers sitting in their cars, lights flashing and everything. all day, every day. oh, there's nothing going on - these guys are just sitting on the hoods of their vehicles hashing out a movie, or politics, or their wife's pot roasts. as i said before, this routine for me and it honestly bothers me that it doesn't even bother me anymore.

but here's what got me today...there is a canopy over the tank-thing. yeah, not a camoflaged, army-issued tarp, but rather a gray plastic tarp and aluminum poles like you would see at a picnic. its like someone went to costco and picked up a lovely shade-tent for the poor guy. now, i'm not saying the guy should be burned to a crisp for the sake of 'looking alert', but don't you find that a little odd? i mean, is that not the essence of america - spend millions of dollars to employ someone to grip a gun (and yes, he always has his hands on the gun, ready to fire) worth millions of dollars, on a machine worth millions of dollars, only to make sure he's 'comfortable' while he does so? to me that is life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
posted by Paige @ 12:17 PM   0 comments

i can't believe he did it! i wanna go, i wanna go, i wanna go! this is too good to pass up. it's the perfect blend of politics, pop culture and wackiness. i've got to go back....
posted by Paige @ 6:38 AM   0 comments

GASP! i'm not alone....

California Is Seen in Rearview Mirror
For the first time, the Census Bureau finds that more people have moved to other states from here than the other way around.
By Susannah Rosenblatt
Times Staff Writer

August 6, 2003

WASHINGTON — Although the state's population continues to grow because of immigration, more people left California in the last half of the 1990s than moved in from other states, according to a U.S. Census Bureau report released today.

More than 1.4 million people in the U.S. migrated to California from 1995 to 2000, while 2.2 million left — the highest migration numbers in the country. That exodus is "unprecedented," said Hans P. Johnson, a demographer with the Public Policy Institute of California, an independent San Francisco research organization.

It was the first time since 1940, when the government started keeping statistics on domestic migration, that the state had lost more residents to other states than it gained, the Census Bureau said, although the overall population increased from 32.7 million in 1998 to an estimated 35.1 million in 2002.

In the mid-1990s, demographers had anticipated that the exodus of Californians in the early 1990s — due in large part to recession, riots and natural disasters — would slow, or even halt. But that was not the case, according to these new statistics, the most definitive available.

The largest numbers of people who left California moved to Nevada, Arizona and Texas — about 200,000 to each state. Nevada and Arizona are the two fastest-growing states in the nation, the report said, followed by Georgia, North Carolina and Florida. Large numbers of people also left California for Washington and Oregon.
posted by Paige @ 7:03 AM   0 comments

this website makes me feel better. be sure to look through the actor's pages. they're kind of cheesy, but good to know that actors are human too. i like imperfections.

i promise i'll write stuff that is more creative and meaningful to my life soon....it's been a very interesting several weeks.
posted by Paige @ 2:15 PM   0 comments

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