god meets girl

i really need to go to cochella this year. anyone up for a roadtrip? i think i can hook us up with a pretty sweet place to stay in palm springs.

i'm hoping to make up for the major dumbass move i made this weekend when i forgot to get u2 tickets (hey, does it help to know that i was transforming the lives of inner-city youth while you all were pressing "refresh" and speeddial? ok, sorry for the debbie downer moment).

if anyone knows where i can sell an organ or limb in exchange for tickets, please let me know. and since there is no show in dc (yet....i'm hoping!), i'm willing to travel anywhere. and i'm willing to indenture myself, just fyi.

not only did i miss out on the opportunity to see u2 in concert again, which is of the highest priority in itself, but you see i also promised a friend i'd take him to his very first u2 concert.
posted by Paige @ 8:59 PM   0 comments

if i can't change in this moment, will i ever change?
posted by Paige @ 5:32 PM   0 comments

i hear you, jenn. keep serving - you're doing a great job. and may you find inspiration in the words of a woman a thousand miles away, lydia. although she didn't realize it, her story should be an encouragement to you.

He is a big God.
posted by Paige @ 8:29 PM   0 comments

this morning i got honked at and admired by a gentleman driving a garbage truck. aside from the obvious flattery of such a gesture (please note sarcasm here as i am feeling quite unpretty these past three days), i do wonder what men are thinking? what exactly was he hoping for - that i would cry out, 'yes, i've been waiting for my prince to come in a trashtruck and sweep me off my feet! let's run away together'? and further i ask, what about me was attractive enough to you to warrant the honk? because (regretfully) there were only two body parts visable today (it was about six degrees outside and still is), my eyes (not covered by pashmina) and my legs (had to wear a skirt suit today and i must invest in a full length coat). i don't understand men...
posted by Paige @ 1:05 PM   0 comments

what must it be like to work in the jail ward at county hospital? jamie, do they pay well? why do people choose a job like that?
posted by Paige @ 11:43 AM   0 comments

love thyself?
to my 'dena friends - email me so i know you're ok. i can't think of any of you who would ride an la commuter train, but still. reading this is a little sobering.

rather, reading this is reinforcing the sober air i breathe lately. i have a friend who i've been Walking with for several years now who continues to suffer with depression. there was a setback recently and now i'm back to hospital visits.

the thing with depression and suicide is that it is the epitome of self-indulgence and though it may seem (especially to the person) like it's only being done to oneself, that is simply not the case. take this man, for instance, who found life to be so troubling that he chose to end it and in doing so, ended the lives of 10 other people literally and hundreds more figuratively. and that's how it is with my friend. this person does not see the pain they are causing others. there is nothing we do independently. we are community and this is one striking example of it. we may not have even met nor laid eyes on another person and yet, our life is forever changed by what they do.

i've thought a lot lately about selfindulgence. it is a thin line to walk between caring and respecting yourself, and feeding your selfish desires. we are never commanded to love ourselves but rather the second commandment says we are to our neighbor as ourselves. as is often the case with the Word, when you examine what is not stated, there is even more depth to the commmand. it does not say we are to love ourselves more than we love our neighbor, for this would be prideful and self-indulgent. nor does it say we are to love ourselves less than we love our neighbor, for this would be neglecting our true identity in Christ. we are to love ourselves as we love our neighbor. balance.

to be frank, i'm angry. depression and suicide are the epitome of self-indulgence. i realize that much of my anger stems from ignorance or misunderstanding. i have not felt this sickness to the degree that some others have and therefore it is hard for me to know what someone is going through. and please understand that i do not intend for this to be arrogant or judgmental, nor am i neglecting the real severity that exists. i just don't understand.

i need help and i cannot do this alone.
posted by Paige @ 12:30 PM   0 comments

big pimpin'
..but this morning i have to say that i was a little offended. first let me say that i dislike the morning radio options here in dc. i try npr if i'm feeling professional, but usually it just makes me sad. and since there's almost no station that plays just music, i'm left listening to morning radio. (per previous post, i have no cd or tape player in my car...i think it's time to invest in satellite radio) simply put, i miss kevin and bean.

this morning the radio station was talking about pimp rings in high schools, and apparently was launched by a discussion about those colored plastic charity bracelets which allegedly denote how far you will go sexually, or how far you've been or something like that. i'd heard about the bracelet message thing before, but a pimp ring? crazy. but there quite a few callers who could attest to pimping at their high school. am i naive to think that didn't happen at my school? of course, i went to a christian school...so i guess it was given away for free...(that was bad. sorry.) i do know that in our class of slackers (and i mean that literally - as any in our class would agree - i can't think of one person from our class that works in a fortune 500 company, for example, but neither do i) we had the following: at least a handful of pregnancies during high school and the year or so following and several coke addictions, in addition to the typical drinking, stealing and smoking pot, etc. how's that for a class of about 100?

but thinking about my experience did rush back all the junk of high school. man, am i glad that time of my life is over. my thought as i heard this today was, how could someone feel so low that they would choose an option like that? but i am quickly reminded of all the horrible stuff i did out of insecurity, hopelessness, and to feel love. but none of it was really love at all. and how much do i still search after things, perhaps not as detrimental as drugs and unsafe sex, to fill the same need in my life today?
posted by Paige @ 6:31 AM   0 comments

lists, pt. 1
as my friends know, i long for the title of Popular Culture Expert, such as is given to some commentators on best week ever or e's countdown shows. as an aspiring pop culture expert, i am often asked what my favorite movies or cds are, but i have a hard time answering that question. i usually follow up that question with a question - what genre? unlike patrick, i do not have a ranking system for movies, etc. but sometimes when i hear a song i think, 'this is one of my favorite ______ songs!', which means somewhere in my head i have them categorized by subject and somehow ranked (think high fidelity 'top 5' here). therefore, i humbly pose to you the beginning of my 'lists' of favorites.

inspired by the #8 song i heard this morning on my way to work, here are my favorite drive-me-crazy-sexy-can't-wait-to-be-(ahem!)-married songs:
1. All I Want Is You, U2 (there's something about the intensity of edge's guitar)
2. I Want To Be Your Lover, Prince (or almost anything from prince...)
3. Closer, NIN (i blush at this one...)
4. Mr. Lover, Shaggy (mista lubba, mista lubba)
5. Caress Me Down, Sublime (i blush again...)
6. So Alive, Ryan Adams (i'm on your side)
7. Pour Some Sugar On Me, Def Leopard (come on - you know you rock out to it too!)
8. Cradle of Love, Billy Idol (ya, ya, yaow!)
9. Crash, DMB (isn't this on everyone's list?)
10. I'm on Fire, Bruce

the songs that made me fall in love, and still invoke a sigh and far off gaze:
1. They All Ask'D For You, The Meters
2. These Arms of Mine, Otis Redding
3. My Girlfriend, Blink 182
4. The Dance, Garth Brooks
5. The Joshua Tree, U2
6. Slow Dancing, U2 (also my favorite U2 song)

songs that make me melt
1. Queen of the Slipstream, Van Morrison (or perhaps a tie with Crazy Love...)
2. La Cienega Smiled, Ryan Adams
3. Pictures of You, The Cure
4. Mr. Brightside, The Killers
5. Ice Cream, Sarah McLaughlin
6. My Maria, Brooks & Dunn
7. Nightswimming, REM
8. I Want You To Want Me, Cheap Trick

i suppose that's more than enough, now that i'm all flustered. help me think of some more 'lists'. i'm working on: songs about ca, chick songs, things-are-gonna-be-ok songs, songs that make me cry, and of course - the breakup list. for years now i've been working on making the perfect breakup mixed tape (yeah, that's how long i've been stewing on it). more on that later, and i may need to enlist the help of others.
posted by Paige @ 10:07 AM   0 comments

random thoughts from the metro ride
"yuppy" supposedly stands for "young upwardly-mobile professional", so why isn't it "yumpy? i think being a yump is funnier than being a yup.

and should i be embarassed that i kinda sorta want jojo's album?
posted by Paige @ 5:39 AM   0 comments

my very republican week
washington dc is taking one big, collective nap. we're exhausted. it's been a full week of hard partying and gratitude. i'm so beat, i took the day off.

so, yesterday i started the day with arnie at rep. dreier's reception. (shhh...he didn't know i wasn't still a constituent) that was a fun surprise. enjoyed the inauguration via seats and the weather was so much better than last time. there was, like last time, a lot of fur and cowboy hats. some decorated with rhinestone bush/cheney's, and some formal for the black tie ball. if you saw the protesting ladies in pink being hauled away, we were sitting right by them.

after the ceremony i got to catch up with andrew, from the campaign (liz, don't laugh). then last minute shoe shopping. (a success) then prep for the ball. (not as successful since the car was on time. but with anne, i should have known)

the democracy ball was about what i expected. it's hard to say "it was nice" because it really is like prom - an expensive, overhyped event that you have to attend. this time there was dancing, more drinking and a president, but other than that, the same. and i had wonderful dates who gave me a wonderful time.

i did have to laugh (now, not at the time) at the man who cut in front of me in the drink line then accusingly asked, "you're not a republican, are you?" shoot! did i miss the handshake again? i always get the last part wrong...
posted by Paige @ 5:48 PM   0 comments

prayer and the art of volkswagen maintenance
prayer and the art of volkswagen maintenance is the title of a book written by the author of the book i am currently reading. i have not read the book, though i must say that i have never understood the meaning of a sentence like i have this one. for my washingtonian readers, you understand this completely. for those elsewhere in the country, i shall try my hardest to explain without complaining. or crying.

i own (or, well, i own 2/3 of) a 1996 volkswagen golf gl. her name is lola and she's a very cute, black golf. i actually bought a white one first, but traded him in for her. she lured me with her sunroof, a necessity for the california sun. i still have the surf racks on...though i haven't surfed since leaving santa cruz.

i had no problems the first two years while under warranty. now, well, here's my list:

current problems:
-a faulty air mass intake sensor. i hear this is rarer for 96's than for the newer models, but i guess i'm just lucky. it was to be replaced today, but the part didn't come in and the shop neglected to tell me that as i dropped it off this morning. i learned of this fact from a voicemail left on my work number last night.
-a stereo that ate my tape of modest mouse in september. "Er 8", it tells me.
-a clutch that 'slips' when i move the stick into gear.
-a seat that gives me a complex because the foam has disintegrated or something. again, aparently a common problem with vws.
-the sad spot where my antenna used to be, before the carwash on glebe unsympathetically broke it off.
-a noise that is sounding a lot like the ups-truck noise my rabbit (the previous volkswagen) used to have....
-the chip in the wheel cover where she took me skiing last winter outside of karl's house.
-the scratch from the bike rack...when...i think i'll start crying now.

i cry partly because i can't believe my car has this many problems, but partly because each scratch, dent and chip reminds me of different memories. and thanks be to God, good memories and not the times of utter fear that engulfed me at the moment. times like sitting on 295 outside of richmond and cramming camping equipment from one car into another and squishing with a pug named winston while the folks in the richmond pep boys put the - um - wheel back on my car. or hearing karl laugh at me and try to teach me how to drive in snow (a failed attempt, even to this day).

you see, for all the problems my car has (and this isn't even close to a complete list), i have to laugh. it is still running. God is faithful to provide great friends with functioning cars to help when i need it, even if it's just to take me to coldstone. And He is faithful to - every time - provide the money to fix my car when it is necessary. And, perhaps most importantly, He has kept me safe.

i understand prayer because of my volkswagen.
posted by Paige @ 10:27 AM   0 comments

open season for pop culture enthusiasts
yes folks, 'tis the season that trend-watching junkies like me drool over. it's oscar season, which means it's golden globe, people's choice, etc. etc. etc. some people play fantasy football, i play top-grossing-movie-pool, neuenburg style. and i lost. again. my fifth season. i can pick good movies, but i'm still having a lot of trouble convincing enough people to see the good movies such that it sways the statistics in my favor.

i picked:
1. The Incredibles
2. The Aviator
3. Oceans 12
4. Meet the Fockers
5. Bridget Jones' Diary: The Edge of Reason

it was national treasure that really hurt me. who knew that would be as popular as it was?! i always throw one in for fun, kind of my 'wish' projection...that was bjd this time. that hurt too. but i'd like to point out that on the whole, i wasn't far off! i'm getting better.

so matt, where's my final update?
posted by Paige @ 12:30 PM   0 comments

love, in moments
i just saw the movie in good company (a great flick!). a kissing/love scene in the movie now rates on my list* of best movie scenes. but as i look at the movie now that a few hours have passed and still still sigh when i think of the love of the characters, i realize that the scene of passion is very brief in the movie as well as in the lives of the characters. and maybe that is what makes it a good movie - it resembles life in that.

when i look at my life and the men i have loved, there are only a few, brief moments of passion. perhaps others have more, but i doubt it. i think what is reality is that we are given only a few tender moments. it is those moments that sustain us and stir hope to love again.

*more on my lists coming soon.
posted by Paige @ 7:02 AM   0 comments

the lesson learned today
you whine long enough and you get your wish. i'm heading to the independence ball on thursday night, after watching the swearing-in ceremony in seats! much better than last time, which was the coldest day of my life. look for me if you watch it on tv. i'll be the one not wearing fur.

now to go shopping for the perfect outfits. i doubt i'll have the same luck as last time, but i'm optimistic.
posted by Paige @ 10:45 AM   0 comments

national body challenge
anyone interested in doing this?
posted by Paige @ 12:20 PM   0 comments

it is amazing what makes headline news, and what doesn't. i am saddened to read this. for all the money spent. for the lives lost and destroyed.

i beg of you to not read this and react to it through our partisan eyes. i mean nothing political by it. but doesn't it make you sad too that the reason we invaded a country turned out to be for naught?
posted by Paige @ 7:51 AM   0 comments

and speaking of crossfire...check this out. that, my friends, is one of the main reasons i did not remain with cnn after my internship. well, that, and they weren't hiring at the time. but that was just Providence.
posted by Paige @ 10:27 AM   0 comments

the trouble with being a socialite
the socialite in me is anxiously and desperately waiting to fill her calendar with two events. the first is this saturday night, an exclusive concert with john legend. this is exactly the event i want to go to and it is killing me that he's only doing one show, which happens to be in dc, in a tiny club, my favorite type of venue for excellent music, in the u street district, one of my favorite areas in dc. plus, i'm thinking kanye may be there.

the second is an inaugural ball. any ball will do, but the black tie and boots would of course be preferred. my moment of greatest glory occurred for the last inauguration*, so unfortunately the gods are not likely to shine on me this year.

i know it is wrong to covet, and the Lord and i are working that out. but i have GOT to get tickets to these events! does ANYONE out there know how??? the gop hasn't even sent out the invite yet and we're all getting desperate here.

*as an intern for cnn's crossfire, i was given tickets by bob novak on a thursday night before the show for the black tie and boots ball that saturday. since i did the show that friday night, that meant i had exactly 1 hour from 8pm until the stores closed at 9pm, to shop for a formal dress. and, since i was an intern and had just moved to dc, i had to find something on a very tight budget, which was pretty much zero. i picked macy's, and rightly so, because they had their extra % off on clearance sale at that time. i found a ballgown skirt and top for $35 dollars, within the hour timeframe. ah, that moment still fills me with joy.
posted by Paige @ 7:18 AM   0 comments

post about nothing at all
alright, instead of complaining about my work condition, as i am prone to do lately, i will do something more creative and blog. please forgive my sarcasm today...i confess i'm dripping with it and i can't seem to shake it.

perhaps you would like to read about my weekend? dad came in to town to finish (hopefully) the kitchen remodel and i played chauffer extraordinaire. we braved lowes and home depot on saturday morning, and that is quite a feat for the 9-5 yuppie-laden town that i live in. i also re-arranged furniture in my apartment (a hobby of mine - i firmly believe in the importance of changing one's surroundings) because having my bed up against the window (much as i love every ounce of light that flows through it), is a little too drafty in the winter.

last night i went to kairos, the young and trendy service of an episcopal church in our area. there were many things i liked about it - like the honest mention of race and injustice in our society, the teaching based on scripture instead of topics, worship and the importance of tradition in a church service. afterwards, we went to target and i picked up one of my favorite movies from 2004, 13 going on 30. i love that movie and couldn't wait to start watching it, even though i will watch it again tonight. what do i like about it, you ask? as i mentioned regarding new years resolutions, i love the idea of starting over and trying again. some of my favorite movies are also on this topic - it's a wonderful life, the philadelphia story, the shawshank redemption.

i will stop babeling now. thanks for reading and i suppose now i will return to do the work i'm paid to do.
posted by Paige @ 10:45 AM   0 comments

i am so sorry i've been so silent lately. i've been busy with the work i'm actually paid to do on this computer, which is a good thing. but, for your enrichment, may i direct you to this fabulous website. thanks elise. i highly recommend skimming the "see you in hell" section.

have a wonderful weekend and i'll be more creative next week. i promise.
posted by Paige @ 8:00 AM   0 comments

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