god meets girl

i know i live in a retirement community, but this is rediculous!
this week i received my aarp membership card. yeah i just turned 29, but come on! 65 is still a long way off.

i suppose that is what i get for living in a town of old people. did you know my insurance rates went up when i moved here? we have 2500 residents here and a bi-weekly crime report that says things like "two cars bumped into each other at the center market"....and my rates go up. i did some investigating and found that indeed, it is a higher risk to live here with senile drivers than in the armenian neighborhood of hollywood where people drove their financed bmw's 60 miles an hour down a residential street. but borrego is not without its accidents. a few years ago the post office (a major hub here) was plowed into by a gentleman who forgot his left from his right pedals, in the style of the unfortunate santa monica incident.

but i will make the most of my new aarp card. i am looking forward to the senior discounts at denny's.
posted by Paige @ 10:05 AM   2 comments

tips for the holidaze

avoid carrot sticks. anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffetable knows nothing of the christmas spirit. in fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. you can't find it any other time of year but now. so drink up! who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? it's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. it's a treat. enjoy it. have one for me. have two. it's later than you think. it's christmas.

if something comes with gravy, use it. that's the whole point of gravy. gravy does not stand-alone. pour it on. make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. fill it with gravy. eat the volcano. repeat.

as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. if it's skim, pass. why bother? it's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. the whole point of going to a christmas party is to eat other people's food free. lots of it. hello???

under no circumstances should you exercise between now and new year's. you can do that in january when you have nothing else to do. this is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

if you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted christmas cookies in the shape and size of santa, position your self near them and don't budge. have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. they're like a beautiful pair of shoes. if you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

same for pies. apple, pumpkin and mincemeat -- have a slice of each. or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. always have three. ehen else do you get to have more than one dessert? labor day?

did someone mention fruitcake? granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. i mean, have some standards.

one final tip: if you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. reread tips. start over, but hurry, january is just around the corner.

remember this motto to live by:
"life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. but rather to skid in sideways, dark chocolate in one hand, a glass of chardonnay in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!"


posted by Paige @ 9:07 AM   0 comments

no kiss, no tell
this morning i kissed him goodbye and wished him a good day at work. it was goodbye though. i invested some, and i do not wish it back, i only wish you appreciate me for what i brought to your life. but you will not, and so i say goodbye.

for 2007 i resolve not to date. i have learned quite a lot these months i have lived here, but i admit that i should not have tried to make love work right now. and so i will live the next 12 months without dating. i seek clarity and healing.

however, if Love visits me, i will think about it.
posted by Paige @ 5:58 PM   0 comments

i find one of the most creative times for me is during a sermon. i feel a little bad about this because it isn't that i am not listening to the preacher, it is just that my mind is stimulated by the act of listening and i think better. well i have not been going to church so therefore my mind has not been as stimulated as it is used to being. but i am working on that.

i also realized that i have a stack of books that i am dying to read but cannot seem to get past the first 5 pages. the cost of discipleship is one of these books. emerson's essays is another. the words are heavy with meaning and exhausting to unpack. perhaps it is not the time in my life to read them.

i learned one interesting thing today which i will share with you. the root of the hebrew "forgive" is the same as "to dance". i wish you the freedom to dance.
posted by Paige @ 4:44 PM   0 comments

getting a little bit better
we may not have a movie theatre in town, but we do have other cool things. last night i went out to the woods with our wildlife biologists to go capture a mountain lion! unfortunately he did not want to be caught last night, but i still had a very cool night. if nothing else i got to know two more friends and see a gorgeous part of the southern california mountains under a stunning full moon.

the boys invited me back tonight to catch him, but i had to decline. hopefully they are in possession of him now.
posted by Paige @ 10:33 PM   1 comments

now i'm pissed
lunch today marks the 6th time in about a week that i have had people stand me up. at first i was understanding. the next few times i was hurt but trying to be understanding. now i'm just pissed.

if you are really my friend then you know how much i enjoy quality time with friends. my personality requires it. yeah i live in the middle of fucking nowhere, but the nowhere is only an hour away! do i allow for more understanding? ok, so these people (save for one) don't know that they have all collaboratively done this to me this week, but come on. is there any value placed on your word if you make plans with someone then bail?
posted by Paige @ 11:44 AM   0 comments

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